Friendly Toast Changes Name, Logo

After more than a dozen negative reviews across web and social media indicating that the staff at the Friendly Toast in downtown Portsmouth NH was now too friendly, the ownership at the iconic restaurant decided to rebrand. The restaurant revealed the new name in a...

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The Tug Hires Basically The Avengers But With Lawyers

The Tug, a subsidiary of HarborCorp, has retained a team of lawyers that makes every other group of lawyers look like a flock of dumb assholes, sources said Thursday. The ultra-expensive power move comes as a surprise considering the broad Constitutional freedoms the...

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Actors in Play Praise Play that They’re in

The play, which you’re going to have to see, is at least two hours long, and is generating a level of excitement from the cast that will lead to truly disastrous social consequences should you choose not to attend. “No really, I know I say every show I’m involved with...

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Proposed Watering Ban Angers Citizens

A watering ban proposed by city officials has caused some Portsmouth residents to finally start giving a shit about the city’s water supply. The proposed ban comes on the heels of a particularly dry season which has lead to restrictions or bans in 115 different...

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Fight Me

by City Councilor Nancy Pearson Brian Eno once said: “Democracy is a daring concept – a hope that we’ll be best governed if all of us participate in the act of government. It is meant to be a conversation, a place where the intelligence and local knowledge of...

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The Goddamn Bridge is Still Up

Multiple residents reported Monday that the fucking Memorial bridge is still up, despite no moving vessels being visible in either direction all the way to the horizon.  “I’ve been here forever. I could have conceived and had another kid by now and it would be old...

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Pickwick’s to Open Private Prison

In a landmark deal with the US Navy and the New Hampshire and Maine Departments of Correction, the team at Pickwick’s Mercantile are now the proud proprietors of their own private prison. Pickwick’s announced the signature of the historic contract turning over...

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Drinks are on Prescott Park Arts Festival Tonight

After the successful run of Disney’s the Little Mermaid at Prescott Park Arts Festival this summer,  the staff got together and decided to thank the city for their support by buying them a round of drinks tonight. “We have so much money in our account,” says Executive...

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