The Tug’s Tough Candidate Questions
The Tug invites all Portsmouth City Council candidates to answer the following questions. We will publish all answers submitted back to us. Since we do not have every candidate's email, we ask that you pass these questions along to any candidates you might know. Lol!...
City Defends Property Re-Assessment After Lazenby’s Strike Oil
Local residents outraged over recent property re-assessments throughout town were given some explanation for the sudden drastic increase, in a press release stating the Lazenby family had struck oil on their property. “No one really suspected there’d be oil along the...
Artspeak Conspiracy Unearthed
News broke Tuesday of an alleged plot by the city cultural commission Artspeak, exposed by amateur investigative journalism of a group lead by former city councilor Esther Kennedy. Kennedy and a group of concerned citizens, who recently made news for being...
City Creates Strawman Council to Handle Public Comments
After debating ways to make the public comment session of council meetings more effective and less prone to abuse, the council piloted a program this week by creating a literal strawman council to hear public comments. “The public comment sessions were getting really...
Woman Dies at PPAF Opener as Paramedics Foiled by Rope Barrier
Portsmouth, Sunday June 18th - A quiet night of music turned to tragedy Sunday night as a mother passed away unexpectedly at Prescott Park Arts Festival in what experts are saying was a preventable tragedy. Julie Eastman, mother of three, began to experience symptoms...
Councilor Denton Found Bagged in Alley
Veteran, noted freedom fighter and Portsmouth City Councillor Josh Denton narrowly escaped suffocation when he was discovered unconscious and clinging to life Tuesday night next to a dumpster on Custom House Lane behind the Press Room naked with his hands bound and a...
Ben Anderson Says “Fuck It, We’re Building It Anyway” to New PPAF Stage
Now that the final Prescott Park Master Plan has been approved with a weak-ass temporary stage setup, Prescott Park Arts Festival (PPAF) director Ben Anderson said that all this nonsense has finally crossed a line, stating “Fuck it, we’re building it anyway.” Experts...
Get Laid By Your Liberal Girlfriend This Valentines Day With These 10 Off Piste Anti Trump Valentines Things
Love is in the air and things are getting strange, which means it's time for Portsmouth to get to fuckin'. That's right, Valentines Day is just around the corner, and it's your patriotic duty to resist the smothering pillow of creeping fascism with these clever gifts...
Get Laid By Your Liberal Girlfriend This Valentines Day With These 10 Macro Polo Anti Trump Valentines Things
Love is in the air and a goddamn madman is president, which means it's time for Portsmouth to get to fuckin'. That's right, Valentines Day is just around the corner, and it's your patriotic duty to resist the smothering pillow of creeping fascism with these clever...
Portsmouth Police Log 12/31/16 – 1/1/17
7:30am: Responded to a call from a Gates Street resident that the nearby fire hydrant was making a vague whooshing sound. It kind of was. 9:01am: Responded to a Middle street accident. Car vs. Box truck. Box truck won. Cited bystanders for illegal gambling. 10:35am:...
Mom Desperately Flips Through the Radio Stations in Search of Some Holiday Cheer
After filling her trunk with plastic bags filled with toys for her two children, who were then screaming in the back seat after 20 minutes of trying to get their seat belts on and complaining that their hot chocolate is too hot to drink and their fucking donut doesn’t...
Tug’s Top Ten Holiday Gift Guide
Tug’s Top Ten Holiday Gift Guide Shop local! It’s that time of year again. Time to go into overdraft trying in vain to make your family and friends happy knowing full well you are going to be a constant disappointment to everyone around you no matter what you...
City Offers Real Housing From Fake Village
In response to a deepening housing shortage and housing affordability crisis in Portsmouth, Mayor Jack Blalock announced yesterday that the city would allow private citizens to move into an entire section of Strawbery Banke, with a few restrictions. "Without a doubt,...
Historic Development Commission Denies Variance to Gingerbread House Competition
Tis the season to be jolly, that is unless you planned on participating in the 26th Annual Gingerbread House Contest at the Discover Portsmouth Center on December 2nd. The gumdrop dropped when the Historic Development Commission unanimously denied a variance for the...
Portsmouth Halloween Parade Announces New Route
In a stunning break from tradition, the Portsmouth Halloween Parade today announced that it would be changing its route significantly in the run-up to the parade this evening. “I know it’s last minute, but Halloween is about making ghosts happy, so we’re going to put...
Portsmouth Gets All Fucked Up on Halloween
You know what time of year it is Portsmouth. Time to get scared! That’s right, it’s Halloween: the only holiday for cool people and sex havers. Fuck Christmas, fuck Memorial Day, fuck the Fourth of July. Halloween is pound-for-pound the most ferocious holiday in...
Master Plan Calls for All Restaurants to Be Replaced by Mexican Cantinas by 2025
As the Planning Department prepares to present the City of Portsmouth 2025 Master Plan to the city council this November, some residents are skeptical about a small, line-item provision to replace every restaurant in the city with Mexican eateries by 2025. “I’m a...
Wastewater Treatment Facility Opponents File Suit, Take Hostages
Portsmouth - Opponents of the Wastewater Treatment Facility have indicated their intention to file a citizen’s lawsuit against the City of Portsmouth under the provisions of the Clean Water Act in response to a deal reached between the Environmental Protection Agency...