Local residents outraged over recent property re-assessments throughout town were given some explanation for the sudden drastic increase, in a press release stating the Lazenby family had struck oil on their property.
“No one really suspected there’d be oil along the Seacoast,” said the NH Commissioner of Environmental services. “Let alone that a family in Portsmouth would find it on their own property. I mean, it’s not like they need it with everyone swimming in piles of money like Scrooge McDuck or whatever it is people do on the Seacoast. I’m just saying, it’s not like he was just some poor mountaineer, barely keeping his family fed.”
“It was so sudden,” said the venerable Grampa Lazenby. “One day I was just shootin’ at some food, when up from the ground came a bubblin’ crude.”
“Oil that is,” he clarified. “Black gold. Texas tea.”
Grampa Lazenby’s son Cliff, who is making a run for city council, has taken the event in stride. “Honestly, it’s a real relief,” he said. “Some folks have said ‘Cliff, move away from there! Californy is the place you want to be!’, but I don’t even want to move as far as Peverly.”
“Hill that is,” he continued. “Aqua Paradise. YMCA. You know.”