Candidate Questions 2018

Portsmouth City Councilor Candidate, Jason Walls, answers the Tug’s Tough Questions.

Q: Do you like the Tug? And what is your understanding of how website hosting works?

A: Yes. Sometimes I take seriously things humorously. Sometimes I take humorous things seriously. We need healthy sarcasm in our lives.

How does web hosting work? Well generally you pay someone to spin up one or more virtual machines on remotely located physical hardware. These virtual instances run a set of service applications, including HTTP/HTTPS. After using DNS to correctly identify and locate a server in a given domain (like Google.com), these protocols are used to send and receive messages and files between the virtual machine and your browser.

Most of these protocols are designed by consensus. The fact that any of this exists rests on so much industry politics it’s amazing anything works. Someone experienced in such battles would make a great city councilor.  Just saying.

Q: Would you rather fight one Blalock-sized Pearson, or 3 Pearson-sized Blalocks?

A: Um 3 Pearson sized Blalocks, CLEARLY. Nancy Pearson is intimidating enough at her current size.

Q: Tell us a secret about yourself that might negatively affect your campaign. Please keep it under 140 characters so it is convenient to Tweet and paint on an overpass.

A:  I friggin hate lobster. Stop eating giant ocean bugs. There, I said it

Q: Are you passionate about Portsmouth? Enough to literally have sex with it? Don’t think about it too long, the mechanics are confusing.

A: Well, I guess I can’t unsee that in my head.

Q: If you press this button, one random candidate you don’t support will never get on the council, but one random candidate you do support will never eat bacon again in their lifetime. Do you press the button?

A: Absolutely not. I might be running for a political office, but I’m not a monster.

Q What is your all time favorite conspiracy theory?

A: My favorite is was the theory that the NSA was spying on American cell phones indiscriminately without warrant. It’s my favorite because it was actually true.

Q: Finally, there’s AN historic trolley speeding down the track, coming to AN historic junction. You are standing at the historically designed switch box, dressed historically. One track leads to a set of luxury condos. On the other, a new parking garage. Do you pull the switch to save the condos, or the parking?

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A: Wait just a damn minute. When did we get rail trolleys in Portsmouth?!