An historic building at 14 Market Square, home of the only Portsmouth public bathrooms (with attached coffee shop), has been transferred in an hostile takeover from the Govoni family to Southern New Hampshire’s powerful Faro syndicate.

“We’ve been eyeing Govoni’s territory,” said Don Giuseppe “Joey” Faro, owner of Tuscan Brands and Concrete Works out of Salem, while eating a salumi sandwich with a little olive oil and madonna santa did it smell delicious. “There’s only room for one bistro family in the Seacoast, and we thought it was time we took him for a ride and made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.”

“Several millions of dollars, in fact,” he stated. “We’ll see how he handles that.”

“Joey boy assures me it’s nothin’ personal, just business,” said infamous caffeine dealer and plumbing mogul Matt Govoni. “My boys and I, we’ve been Breaking New Grounds for a long time. I’m tellin’ yous, Four Finger Eddie makes a mean cappuccino. It’ll be sad to see it go but you know Joey’s a great guy. Nothing but respect.”

Four Finger Eddie seemed a little cheesed about the deal, but conceded, “eyyy, that’s a lotta scharole. I mean fuggedaboutit,” while putting the final touches on a killer fig leaf design at the top of our skim latte.

The Faro and Govoni clans sealed the deal with a traditional dinner in public view, to avoid any funny business, at Cafe Med.