Councilor Denton Found Bagged in Alley

Veteran, noted freedom fighter and Portsmouth City Councillor Josh Denton narrowly escaped suffocation when he was discovered unconscious and clinging to life Tuesday night next to a dumpster on Custom House Lane behind the Press Room naked with his hands bound and a...

read more

Portsmouth Police Log 12/31/16 – 1/1/17

7:30am: Responded to a call from a Gates Street resident that the nearby fire hydrant was making a vague whooshing sound. It kind of was. 9:01am: Responded to a Middle street accident. Car vs. Box truck. Box truck won. Cited bystanders for illegal gambling. 10:35am:...

read more

Tug’s Top Ten Holiday Gift Guide

Tug’s Top Ten Holiday Gift Guide Shop local!   It’s that time of year again. Time to go into overdraft trying in vain to make your family and friends happy knowing full well you are going to be a constant disappointment to everyone around you no matter what you...

read more

City Offers Real Housing From Fake Village

In response to a deepening housing shortage and housing affordability crisis in Portsmouth, Mayor Jack Blalock announced yesterday that the city would allow private citizens to move into an entire section of Strawbery Banke, with a few restrictions. “Without a...

read more

Portsmouth Halloween Parade Announces New Route

In a stunning break from tradition, the Portsmouth Halloween Parade today announced that it would be changing its route significantly in the run-up to the parade this evening. “I know it’s last minute, but Halloween is about making ghosts happy, so we’re going to put...

read more

Portsmouth Gets All Fucked Up on Halloween

You know what time of year it is Portsmouth. Time to get scared! That’s right, it’s Halloween: the only holiday for cool people and sex havers. Fuck Christmas, fuck Memorial Day, fuck the Fourth of July. Halloween is pound-for-pound the most ferocious holiday in...

read more

Thirsty Moose Website Probably Hacked

  The Thirsty Moose website has been converted into a pornographic site allowing locals to meet up with 18 year old girls who are ready to bang. Thirsty Moose owner, Joe Kelley swears it wasn’t him.   “I swear to God, guys, this was not me,” swore Kelley, like we...

read more